I am not really mentally equipped to write a newsletter this month, but I did want to let you know two of my books are on sale for the rest of the month.
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July 1st, Grand Gesture Books at 7: In conversation with Hannah Loraine to celebrate the release of her debut, The Best Mess
July 21st, Powell’s (on Burnside) at 7: In conversation with Karelia & Fay Stetz-Waters in celebration of their new release, Taste the Love
July 29th, Grand Gesture Books at 7: My launch for Donut Summer, in conversation with Alison Cochrun
I know I discussed in my last newsletter the possibility of having other events, but this will likely be my only event for Donut Summer. Sometimes it feels like publishers are organizing big tours for almost everyone these days and I get sad, but I promised myself I’d make this newsletter normal.
Reminder that you can pre-order Donut Summer through my local queer indie, Always Here, or other beloved local indies like Vintage Books or Annie Bloom’s, or you can purchase from Grand Gesture at the launch event.
Booklist recently gave Donut Summer a starred review, which I was really grateful to see. They said:
Adult romance author Kelly’s YA debut unfurls as a delicious slow burn, with similar pacing as Penny takes her time stepping into her leading lady confidence. Never shying away from the hard conversations about queerness, gender, and acceptance (but with great respect for Mateo’s identity and pronouns), Kelly spins a delectable love story with a powerful message.
Thank you too to everyone who’s tagged me in Pride Month posts this month; I know I haven’t been able to interact with most of them but I really do appreciate it.
Hope you’re focusing your time on being kind in a world hellbent on rewarding cruelty,
anita
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Hey, friends! I finally got myself together enough to order some swag for Donut Summer.
If you pre-order, I’ll send you this art print and this colorful sticker, both of which make me smile. As I hope this book makes you smile, too!
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I just realized the coloring of the sticker in the above graphic got weird, probably because Canva is a lifelong learning experience. But I’m really pleased with the quality of both, and it was particularly fun being able to order the sticker from a local Portland shop, Sticker Ninja. (They were super kind throughout the process and included a Dum Dum lollipop in my package! I was delighted.)
As this is my young adult debut, I thought it would be nice/emo to make the art print in the same style as the print I got done for my adult debut, Love & Other Disasters.
This is the sole print I have left from that L&OD campaign, and you do not even know how proud of myself I am that I have somehow not lost it. I even knew exactly where it was in order to take this photo!
These goodies will be prioritized for pre-orders from my local queer indie, Always Here! I will also have them at my launch event at Grand Gesture, and will gladly bring them to any other local indies that receive preorders, like Vintage Books, Annie Bloom’s, or Broadway Books.
If I have any leftover after that, and you’ve preordered elsewhere, I’ll be happy to mail some out as well. I’ll keep you updated.
I know you’ve likely heard this spiel before from other authors, but allow me to say it one more time: preorders are increasingly important in the publishing world, especially for young adult and middle grade books, and especially for books featuring marginalized characters, both of which many book retailers are choosing to no longer stock, or to stock in severely limited ways. It is a tragedy, really, of both capitalism and democracy (mostly capitalism), but any preorder from any bookstore in the country/world signals that they should stock that book for other readers. It really can make a difference.
Other than the aforementioned event at Grand Gesture on pub day (July 29th), where I’ll be chatting with Alison Cochrun!, I’m working on some other events in support of Donut Summer, likely in early and mid August. Including one on the East Coast!! I’ll keep you updated on that, too.
Events Coming Up in June:
Monday, June 2nd @ 7: In conversation with Jonny Garza Villa at Literary Arts, Portland: am I internally losing my shit about talking with one of my writing heroes? yes, yes I am
Saturday, June 10th @ 7: In conversation with Alanna Bennett at Grand Gesture, Portland: in celebration of her beautiful YA debut, The Education of Kia Greer
Saturday, June 14th: Signing as part of Charlie’s Queer Book Fair, Seattle: My signing slot is from 2-3 PM on Saturday, but Charlie’s Queer Books will be hosting a whole WEEKEND of queer fun!! I am so excited to be part of this
Tuesday, June 17th @ 7: Author talk at Lake Theater & Cafe, Lake Oswego: I’ve been invited to give a chat as part of Lake Oswego Public Library’s author series, and would love to know—if you were attending an author talk (as opposed to a conversation), what would you most like to hear the author talk about??
I *think* this is all my June events! I keep saying yes to things and then having a hard time keeping track in my head, because I need to execute better organizational routines lol. But, I sincerely hope I get to see some of you soon!
There have been a lot of things going on in my writerly world since I last wrote you all: I finished the first draft of the book I’ve been working on over the last year. I’m looking for a new agent. I went to my first ever writing retreat, and while I could only stay for a brief amount of time because of child care and life duties, I remain kind of in awe about how nice it was. I’ve been doing a lot of conversation partnering, while organizing more of my own events for the summer. There’s a lot I could write about every single one of these things.
In particular, I thought I’d want to talk about the book. In the final stretch of working on the draft, I actually spent a maybe weird amount of mental space drafting a newsletter in my head about what I’d want to tell you about this book. Because I feel like there’s this unspoken rule in publishing that you can’t talk about the books you’re actually actively working on, that you’re killing yourself trying to draft, until that book has a book deal, or a publication date, or until you’re however many approved months away from publication. And while I understand the marketing aspect of this (our brains are small and can only comprehend so much information; tell someone about a book that won’t be available for like two years and it’s likely to get lost), from a creative standpoint: it’s such bullshit.
I know everyone’s experiences are different; maybe I’m the only one who feels this way. But I most want to talk about a book when I’m drafting it. I never feel better about a book in its entire life than I do after finishing that first draft. Because finishing a first draft is fucking HARD. (I should say, while drafting is extremely hard for me, my neuroticism also makes me draft as clean as I can, no matter how often people tell me the first draft should be messy. I felt anxious just writing that!! So. Maybe drafting could, in fact, be easier, but my brain won’t allow it.) We have made a new world, new people, out of nothing.
Yet, I often don’t talk about a book much when I’m drafting it, at least not in detail, even to the people I love most, and I’m honestly not sure if it’s because to do so is vulnerable and embarrassing, or because of these unwritten rules of you’re not supposed to holding me back. Or maybe just because as much as parts of me want to talk about it, bigger parts of me don’t. Because the book is still mine. I don’t want a single other person to look at it. Because once someone else does—it changes. As soon as an agent or editor looks at it, it changes. As soon as readers look at it, it changes. Even letting close loved ones look at it changes it, as much as you want all those people to look at it. Still, each new set of eyes adds another protective layer around my heart, another bandage preparing me for criticism, for misunderstanding, for my people to become marketable commodities instead of friends.
And then, even when everything goes as right as it can, by the time a book is actually published and I’m supposed to talk about this thing I made—even if I still love the book, and I do still love all my books, time combined with all those bandages have kind of dulled my rawest feelings. I’ll think of things to say about it, of course, but it almost feels like analyzing someone else’s book, sometimes. It’s so hard to get back to those feelings I had when I was first drafting, feelings that can mostly be summed up with: I love them I love them I love them, because by the time we get to publication, it has already been made abundantly clear that lots of people didn’t love them. So I bandage bandage bandage and pretend I’m as proud of myself as I was three years ago, or whenever it was that I got to be alone with my characters, alone in my love.
Anyway, this has turned quite maudlin, which wasn’t my hope. But this is all to say that I was going to tell you a little bit about this book as a way to both celebrate myself and say fuck you to those unwritten rules. And then I got to the actual finish line, and what do you know. It’s probably a combination of everything else happening in my writing world, but I started to feel a little fragile about it. Maybe I just want to be alone a little bit longer. I sincerely hope I get to tell you more about this book someday, but for now just know that I am, mostly, I love them I love them I love them. And I am, for now, proud of myself for writing another book.
Before I go! As I want to get more in the habit of shouting about things I love here:
Two of my favorite YA books of the year released this week! And They Were Roommates by Page Powars is possibly one of the most fun books I have read, ever? Jasper is perhaps one of the best characters I have read, ever? I just enjoyed every second of it. And it comes with a map!! I am so weak for a book with a map—especially when it’s a contemporary!! (Page was also kind enough to blurb Donut Summer in the midst of preparing for his own book release—he called it “heartwarming and authentic” among other nice things. I am, overall, incredibly intimidated by the YA community and accordingly was really touched by every YA author who took the time for me with blurbs.)
Cecilia Vinesse reached out to me a few months ago to let me know we shared a YA editor, and I am so, so glad she did because it then put All Nighteron my radar, and when I tell you. I am obsessed. With this book. It has so, so many of my favorite things: told entirely over the course of one night! Enemies/rivals to lovers done to perfection! Jokes for days; this book is so fucking funny while also being so beautifully written and poignant. Love for Virginia Woolf!! I love both Tara and Autumn so much, and there is this one moment/theme in particular when you realize that your enemy sees you so much clearer than the people who are closest to you do? And ooooh, as an obvious Autumn, to be seen in that way by a Tara when I was a teen would’ve killed me dead. Anyway, this book is so good and you should read it.
More next month! Here’s a flower and a dog for you.
xo
anita
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First, some official author business, as we are just a little over three months away from the publication of Donut Summer, something I somehow literally keep forgetting is happening. But when I’m able to remember, I have been able to get some things semi-together, so here’s information I have thus far:
I will be having a launch event here in Portland, Oregon at the wonderful Grand Gesture Books on release day, July 29th. More info to come on that, but in case local folks want to mark their calendars. I may be doing more events, if I’m brave enough/mentally well enough to organize them, so! We’ll see!
While Grand Gesture will obviously have copies available for sale at the event, I’m also partnering with local queer-owned indie Always Here for pre-ordersfrom anywhere! I cannot express how jazzed I am to have both a romance bookstore and a queer bookstore in town now, and Always Here in particular is right down the street from where I live, making it especially easy for me to pop down and sign and personalize your books!
I am also ALWAYS happy to go sign and personalize orders from legit any Portland area indie who will stock me lol, so some of my other favorites you can choose from include Vintage Books, Annie Bloom’s, or Broadway Books. (All of the above are also wonderful spots to visit for Independent Bookstore Day, coming up this Saturday!)
Make sure wherever you pre-order from that you include a note about personalization before you press Submit—I’ll write/do whatever you want! (It has just occurred to me people will want me to doodle donuts. I assure you that even my doodles, like my signature, are not cute and whimsical like other authors’ but only embarrassing. But I will do my best.)
All pre-orders and any book purchased at the event will also come with some Donut Summer-specific swag; I just…haven’t figured out what that will be yet? So, again! More coming soon!
This morning, when I realized it was Earth Day, it felt like a good time to noodle in this newsletter about something I’ve been noodling on in my head a lot lately: the fact that I’ve realized I have a thing. A thing I almost always want to write about, or include in my books, and that thing is the earth.
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I have other Things, too—mainly, music, and relatedly, dancing; a penchant for fat men with beards (this is more recent lol); characters who are kind of obsessed with not being Good Enough. But including some type of environmental theme, in a way that deeply informs the narrative as opposed to being a repeated quirk, is increasingly and without a doubt the space I feel most comfortable in, most myself.
There are probably several reasons why Something Wild & Wonderful felt (and feels) like the book of my heart, but getting to write a book that almost fully takes place in nature was one of them. Like, if I could write a hundred more books solely about sad people walking through the woods, trust me, I would. In Heartwaves, Mae feels the best way to process her grief is to be by the ocean. In Donut Summer, the main character, Penny, is particularly concerned with climate change. She plants trees with a local non-profit whenever her anxiety is bad, to help herself re-center. She wants to grow up and help save the earth.
I have two works-in-progress I’ve spent the last year mulling over. In the one I’m almost done drafting, the female main character could be a grown-up Penny (something I only realized recently): she works for an environmental non-profit in Berkeley; the main plotline revolves around a dam removal project in Northern California, inspired by the incredible story of the Klamath dams. The other WIP is the follow-up to Heartwaves, which will take place on a small farm on the Oregon Coast. And when I tell you the actual plot of this book is nebulous at best, but yet I already feel so fucking close to it, because I know what my characters’ hurts are, and I really, really want to write about farming.
When I first started writing books, I felt a kind of self-conscious panic about so many things, but particularly when it came to uniqueness: that my books were too like other people’s books, that my own books or characters weren’t different enough from each other. TO BE CLEAR, I am still panicked almost all the time about the dumbest shit. But now that I have more experience writing multiple books, now that I have more experience with publishing and examining other people’s bodies of work from a critical writer standpoint, I’ve accepted some things. Like the fact that there are two types of people. Some people’s brains are just brilliant things, capable of coming up with completely new ideas every year, uniquely distinct from their previous ideas, while still being them, somehow. Man, I fucking love these people. What an honor to get to keep reading their fresh work.
And then there are some people who spend their whole artistic careers noodling over the same themes. Dressed up differently each time, sure, but essentially coming back to the same core questions. Some of my favorite authors do this, even if it takes me quite a few of their books to realize it. What an honor to get to keep reading their work, too.
Realizing that I’m probably one of the latter has been surprisingly comforting to me, a way to almost better focus on what I’m doing, to waste less time being panicked. I have long felt that writing is an opportunity to get to the core of ourselves. When I was in high school, I was deeply split for a long time about whether I wanted to go to college for writing or environmental science. In the end, I likely chose writing because it was the easier choice, in a way, and I’ve always been a bit of a coward. Writing was something I had always desired, deep inside myself, whereas I had no idea if I could hack it as a scientist. (And yeah, I probably couldn’t have.) It was especially decided when I visited the campus of Emerson (where I attended undergrad) and everyone felt like fucking freaks and I was like yeah, yes, this is what I want. (Emerson, being an arts school, did not offer any types of science programs so I did not have the opportunity to change my mind, but I did accomplish a minor in “science” while I was there. Science! JUST “SCIENCE.” Emerson, never change.)
Which is to say—focusing more and more on environmental issues feels like some kind of gift to myself, some kind of penance to that young person who wasn’t quite brave enough to become a scientist. Taking care of the earth, like engaging in healthy romantic relations, like loving ourselves, is a lifelong pursuit, practicing the same shit, over and over again. How lucky I am, to keep writing about that same shit, to keep investigating how to love both each other and the land we live on better.
Of course—while I’ve categorized these two types of writers as totally different, the reality is that nothing is so cut and dry; a lot of the writers who think of completely fresh plots each time will still, by nature of being a person, come back to similar themes over and over, too. And there are books I’ve written that have nothing to do with the environment, and I think those are equally important for my craft: How You Get the Girl, amazingly, doesn’t soliloquize about nature even once, I don’t think; another book I’ve been working on for some time revolves around the world of comic books. Working on something outside my wheelhouse is important to stretch my creative muscles. But more likely than not, a tiny spoke of that wheel will likely butt into those projects, too: Love & Other Disasters takes place almost entirely on a sound stage in Burbank, but my heart sang the most when I got to write about how much Dahlia Woodson loves palm trees.
I’ve been contemplating ways to inject a little more joy into these newsletters, since the world fucking needs any bit of joy we can find. One day I WILL find the space to include more personal recommendations, I swear it, but for now—I find joy most often in my dogs and my garden, so I thought I’d start ending each newsletter with a random shot of both. The shot of Angus below has the bonus this month of showing you what an actual nightmare my bookcases (+floor stacks of books) are.
Hope you’re taking care of you as best as you can,
xo
anita
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I had a bit of a panic when I learned this, even though I knew it would be going up soon, since I recently received pass pages. This is normally the stage where early reading copies are released, and one of the final proofreading stages of editing, where you can’t actually change anything big but you can make little tweaks and see how it looks as a Real Live Book. Here’s a peek at the title page, for instance!
I always expect pass pages to be this really satisfying event, where like, I’ve done allll the hard work and can now do one final read-through and feel Proud of Myself. Except, in this instance in particular, all I can see are those sentences I approved changes to in copy edits to make more grammatically correct but now don’t sound Like Me? And all those words I still repeated so weirdly often even though I swore I’d already trimmed them down? And in general, I am just kind of sick of myself?
But so far, the big moments that I want to hit still hit, the chapters that always make me cry are still making me cry, those few lines that made me laugh when I wrote them are still at least a little bit funny to me. So I know that, overall, it’s okay that it’s already going out into the world, that the early readers won’t see those few awkward sentences or that one unnecessary word on that one page and want to throw it in the trash like me.
Even if I wasn’t quite ready yet to see those thumbs down about the cover. lol
I get to be in conversation with some amazing authors this year, and the next one coming up is Jasmine Guillory, to celebrate her newest (sapphic!) romance, Flirting Lessons.This is such a big deal that the event, while being hosted by Grand Gesture Books, won’t be held at the bookstore but at Portland Center Stage, one of my favorite arts venues in the city! Fancy!! Am I nervous? Yes, but Jasmine is such a star that I’m sure everything will be fine. The date is April 16th at 7PM, and you can purchase tickets (which include a copy of the book) here.
Coming up after that are events with Meryl Wilsner and Ashley Herring Blake! More info about those next time.
In addition to finishing work on Donut Summer, I’ve mostly been spending my time really trying to push forward in my work-in-progress. There are reasons why I’m focusing on this story in particular—one of which is that I love it! Even though writing it has been fucking hard!! I’m now past the 50k mark, which helps me see the light at the end of the drafting tunnel a little bit. But I also have a few other projects I’ve been noodling on for months/years now, and one day this past week, even though I’ve really been trying to hit my daily word counts for this main WIP, I woke up just feeling real horny for two other characters from another book—one that died on sub last year, whose story I’ve never fully finished.
So I opened up their document, and remembered them again, and wrote down what I could before the inspiration left me.
And part of me wants to be frustrated at myself about this: when I’m writing a bunch of different stuff piecemeal, it can feel like I’m working nonstop without getting anything done. My brain has worked this way for a few years now too when it comes to reading: I am now, constantly, reading at least (AT LEAST) three books at the same time. Sometimes one book will really hook into my gut and then I read just that one nonstop until I finish (the best feeling!!) but mostly I am constantly flipping between a bunch of shit at once. And the teacher-librarian in me just CANNOT believe that’s the best way to achieve reading comprehension.
But after I wrote those couple-thousand words this week in the story I hadn’t visited in a long time? I felt so fucking jazzed. It was good to remember these people I still care about, to think about doing them justice again. It made me excited to get back to my main WIP, too. I got to tally both of their word counts in my journal, a reminder that even if I almost always feel restless, like I’m not doing enough—even when I’m drafting multiple books while working on pass pages for another—I am doing enough; I am doing a lot; I am getting words down. It was energizing, revisiting those other characters again, and mostly I just felt blessed that it happened at all.
All of which is to say: if you wake up feeling horny for characters you’re not supposed to be writing, take it as a blessing, and write it the fuck down anyway, before it’s gone.
Speaking of books that hook into my gut—a few recs before I go:
I read Jamie Harrow’s One on One last week, one of those could-not-put-it-down, consumed-in-almost-24-hours experiences, and I have not been able to stop thinking about it, especially as I’ve been entrenched in March Madness. It’s true that I was probably primed to like this book, what with the college basketball, and being an Eastern PA native (the college the book revolves around is inspired by Villanova), but even without all that, I thought it was just so whip-smart and funny and real while also being so poignant and romantic. Content warning that this deals with sexual assault, but as a fan of sports and college sports in particular, especially when it comes to men’s sports, reading a book that dealt with both the love of the game and the inherent problematic power structures within the business head-on was just…very cathartic. Truly cannot wait to read Harrow’s next one, Fun at Parties, out in September.
In light of the Trans Rights Readathon happening this week, I also feel the need to mention two trans historical romances that I loved so much (and have also frequently thought about since reading them): TJ Alexander’s recently released A Gentleman’s Gentleman, and Joanna Lowell’s A Shore Thing. Both are beautifully written, fascinating, romantic, and were just deeply comforting and wonderful to me. I read them within the same month last year and it just made me feel so lucky, so big and expansive and happy, to live in a time where we can have these stories traditionally published (and hitting bestseller lists, too!). Also: they both have really wonderfully flamboyant spines. Cannot recommend either enough!
More to say, always, but that’s enough for now. Hope you’re taking care of you as best you can.
I feel like I’m barely hanging in there, some days. Like the news is so overwhelming that I can feel it pushing on my chest at almost all times unless I really consciously try to shove it away (put away my phone, pick up a book, make myself a meal) and even then I’m only, like, 28% effective. I try to use these trying times to remind myself of my privilege—that pressure-on-my-chest is likely what anyone who isn’t white in America feels all the time; what undocumented people feel all the time; what queer and trans people in hostile-to-them places feel all the time. They have survived. I can survive.
Still, it’s a hard time to be a person who cares about other people.
One thing I haven’t doubted at all is that being creative still matters. Like, I feel no guilt about still wanting to sit at my kitchen table and write romance novels; I feel no guilt about reading romance novels instead of my twentieth news article of the day. (If anything, I am reading too many news articles.) And honestly, anyone who spends their time making other people feel bad about promoting their art instead of protesting every hour of the day is just engaging in performative activism. One, because there are so many more important things to yell about, and two, because art is protest. Yes, even romance novels. (I would say especially romance novels, but if you’re reading this newsletter you probably don’t need my high horse about this.)
When it comes to my own art, though, I’m in this kind of strange refraction period. I’ve been spending a lot of time of reflecting on my work and why I haven’t sold any new projects; I can barely read a paragraph of anything these days without thinking about my own writing. Because I know that publishing is all about luck and the whims of the business and it doesn’t reflect on the quality of my work yadda yadda yadda, but also, it kind of does. I am not a bestseller but I like to think my sales have been decent. I’ve gotten a bunch of starred reviews; gotten into a book box; it feels like I have done all the things I was supposed to do. So there has to be something I’m not doing well enough with my new projects, and they’re likely the things I have always not done well enough, but somehow got away with up until this point. I’m not good at concocting hooky hooks, at writing big exciting plots; I increasingly want to write quieter and quieter but I know there’s some way I can insert big into my quiet, too. Somehow. Maybe.
And then sometimes, of course, I get frustrated with myself: there’s thinking about craft, and then there’s just ignoring my own gut of what I want to create. One deserves more space than the other.
I’ve realized a few things, though, in all these reflections about my work, and one of them is this: romance is primarily seen as a form of escapism. I stand behind this 100% as a reader. But I don’t write to escape: I write to process. And I’m not sure this is something I’ll ever be able to change about myself. (See: being unable to start this newsletter without talking about the news.)
I laughed when I realized this truth, because suddenly I was back in my undergrad writing program all over again, sitting in my first (and only) fiction writing course, in a total panic almost every class. I just…wasn’t good at it. I eventually focused on more non-fiction based classes, where I felt at home; my final concentration was creative non-fiction, i.e., writing a lot of essays about my dramatic feelings. I thought, over a decade later, that publishing several novels had healed this sense of failure I still carry from this class. It wasn’t that I was bad at writing fiction; it was just that the set-up of the class that didn’t work with my brain. I will never be able to write a short story on the spot and then be ready to have others critique it twenty minutes later, sorry. Not my jam!
But here I am again, wondering if creative non-fiction is, in fact, all I’ve ever really been good at, or that I have the capacity for. And maybe that’s okay!! This isn’t meant to be self-deprecating. I know there are readers for whom my work really resonates. I just don’t know if it’s work that resonates with Big 5 editors looking for rom-coms with a snappy pitch.
I’m going to keep writing my probably-not-escapist-enough romances, of course; I do believe I’ll sell something again. (Maybe. lol) I’ll keep working on my craft, on trying to insert more big into my quiet. But I think at this turning point of my career, knowing who I am is important, too.
Official Authorly Business
I finished up copyedits on Donut Summer last week—I had a tight deadline on them and some snow days really leant me a hand; I went into a hyper-focus of working on them nonstop for three days, including making up a little song about how I lived at the kitchen table now and no longer spent time with my family, do do dooooo—and guess what! Even with all that shit I just said above, I really love this book! I even said this out loud to my wife, something along the lines of “I think this is a good book,” which is something so out of the ordinary for me to say about my work that it visibly shocked her lol. She was so proud of me! I was proud of me, too!
Anyway, finishing up copyedits is exciting because it’s almost the final stage—pass pages/final proofs come next, which is also typically the stage that advanced reader copies go out into the world for reviewers. I did learn that there won’t be any physical ARCs/galleys of this one, which I was kind of expecting but also slightly sad to learn because I’d planned a whole taking-an-ARC-to-various-donut-shops tour, but now I’ll just have to do that later with a finished copy! But hopefully digital copies will still be available one day on Netgalley and all the regular places; I’ll let you know when that happens.
For now, you can add it on Goodreads and pre-order from your preferred book retailer! I don’t have an official pre-order campaign yet, but these are all local shops that I am always available to go in and sign copies at:
