Hi friends—long time no talk. It’s been six months, in fact, since I’ve sent a newsletter, even though I’ve been composing this one in my head for so many weeks that it’s silly. I know you might be Over end-of-the-year shenanigans/bullshit, but I actually really love this time of year. I love the chance to reflect, to make lists of things that have made me happy over a certain time period, to remember the things I’m grateful for, to sort photos from the year into folders, to make goals about what to do better the next time the sun rises.
The only trouble with reflecting about 2024 in terms of this newsletter is that it’s often been a dark year inside my head when it comes to writing and publishing, so I’ve been struggling with figuring out how to talk about it in a way that won’t make my wife sigh or my mom worried about me. At the same time, in many ways, it’s also been a great year for me! A banner year, even!
So, as with most things, thinking about 2024 is a big contradictory mess, but let’s start with the good things.
Things I published & worked on!
How You Get the Girl, the final book in what we’re now calling my Nashville Love trilogy, released in February and I remain surprised at how lovely the response to this book has been? Mainly because I still, in my heart, feel like this is kind of a weird book? Like I think it’s a unique book and I really love Julie and Elle but I still cannot pitch what it’s about in one sentence, even though everyone tells you you should be able to do this (even though I am kind of bad about being able to do this with any of my books, which…is likely part of my troubles, but anyway). More than anything, the reception proved to me how hungry and enthusiastic sapphic readers are, which is not a surprise to me, but—power to the sapphics, is what I’m saying.
What was particularly special for me with this one was getting to go to Nashville to celebrate both this book and the end of the series. Nashville will always have a huge chunk of my heart, largely because of these characters I made up, and that’s just, very neat to me. I was also, again, surprised but pleased to see it show up on a few best-of-the-year lists that I respect a lot, like NPR’s and Autostraddle’s (along with many of yours!).
HYGTG at some locations from the book: Mike's Ice Cream downtown; Five Points Pizza and All People Coffee in East Nashville. I self-published Heartwaves in June, and my feelings about this one are…way more complicated than my feelings about How You Get the Girl; I probably have more complicated feelings about this book than anything else I’ve published before. Dear friend Alicia Thompson once referred to it as my Pinkerton (which is a Weezer reference for the uninitiated), and (for those who are initiated) that feels about right. What I do know is that any time I allow myself to think about it, or go back and read sections of it, I remember that it is the exact book I wanted to write when I wrote it. And in the end, that’s probably not truly that complicated at all. (Special shoutout to those who have purchased personalized copies of this one from my Etsy! Sending them around the country has been like a little treat for me this year. And, of course, thank you to every indie bookstore and library who decided to order it!)
Heartwaves on the Oregon Coast (from when the Lincoln City Driftwood Library invited me to speak in the fall.) I spent most of this fall working on edits for my YA that’s releasing next year, Donut Summer! This one has been on a long journey, so getting to finalize Penny and Mateo’s story has felt very special. I feel very lucky to have somehow squeezed this little summer romance into a very competitive YA market, and while I don’t have an exact release date yet, it’s currently set for Fall 2025. I have seen a cover, and I love it so much? I love them.
Travel, & events galore!
The best part of this year was that I got to attend so many events, from Tucson to Winston-Salem to Anaheim to the Oregon Coast, including some travel that was paid for, like paid flights and hotel rooms and drivers waiting to pick me up at the airport! Just because I wrote a whole bunch of words about queer people falling in love! I honestly don’t know if this will ever happen for me again lol but the fact that it happened at ALL will always make 2024 very special for me.
I also got to be the conversation partner here in Portland for so many friends that I adore, which will probably always be my favorite part of this gig. Oh, and I got to be part of an event at the downtown Powell’s for the first time ever (and likely last but I’m okay with that!) And celebrate the opening of Portland’s first romance-only bookstore! I still sometimes have anxiety around author events but this year really was full of so many special moments I’m so grateful I got to be a part of.
Why yes, I AM a fan of yellow sweaters, why do you ask? Getting to attend events this year also meant I received more thoughtful gifts from readers, especially at Steamy Lit Con this summer. I’ll never not treasure them all <3
Okay, that all sounded pretty good, so…?
The thing about publishing is that you are always internally living several steps ahead. While you’re celebrating the release of one book, you’ve hopefully already finished the next, and have a plan for the next, and so on and so forth. That’s where things have been hard for me: my next is a bit up in the air.
Like I just mentioned, I do have Donut Summer coming in 2025! And I am so, so grateful for that. But I tried very hard this year (in a variety of ways) to sell another adult project, to have my nexts lined up and ready to go as I’d planned…without success. I heard you’re so great! but no many times. It altered the visions I had for myself for the next few years. Which, creatively, is likely okay, but financially, has been very stressful. If I was independently wealthy, or finally able to figure out the magical combination of writing work and non-writing work that truly works for both my brain and my wallet, I wouldn’t be nearly as…*gestures wildly* unwell lol. But right now, I’m spending a lot of time in the muck of trying to figure out more non-writing work to pay the bills while still carving out time to work on the writing I’ve figured out I actually need to do for my mental health, even if I wasn’t striving for publication at all. (Did any of that make sense? I’m not sure but I’m plowing forward anyway.)
I still don’t know if all the nos I heard this year come down to: 1) a rapidly changing and increasingly overcrowded romance market; 2) me just not being very good at this, actually; or 3) this being a totally normal ebb and flow all midlist authors go through (whatever the fuck midlist author actually means), and I should get over myself and stop being so Charlie Brown about it all. I really do think it’s likely a combination of all three. And if I was minding #3 in particular, I would in fact get over myself and not be writing this part of the newsletter at all. But other writers I love and admire have publicly shared their own struggles they’ve had with publishing this year, and knowing that other folks whom I view to be truly talented writers are also Going Through It has brought me immense comfort. So here I am, chatting about failure, because especially in creative fields, I think we should always chat about failure. And I spent a lot of this year feeling like a failure. It’s hard: it makes all the other negative thoughts that are already lurking in your head, all the things you wanted to achieve but didn’t, all the comparisons you know are not healthy to make, so, so much louder.What next?
Even if my professional nexts have stalled a bit in my head, I do want to be clear that I am still writing, perhaps even getting back to a much better mental spot with writing itself than I’ve had in a long time. I’ve been spending less time on social media; I’ve been reading more, both of which help immensely with those negative thoughts. My personal life (my wife and kid and dogs and friends and garden) is wonderful, and I’ve gotten a bit better at separating that from my writing life, even if it’s a balance I’ll likely always be negotiating, as my writing is personal, too.
So here’s what’s next: I’m hoping to self-publish something next year—either a long-ish novella I’ve been working on, or Heartwaves #2, although the latter is probably just a pipe dream because I still have so much work to do on it. I’m also working on another adult novel that I’m kind of viewing as my one last stubborn try, for now and I’m in the point of drafting where I feel so absolutely precious over every little part of it lol. I’ll also attempt to pitch another YA, the YA I have actually always wanted to write, but realistically that’s probably another pipe dream (which is also okay).
I’m looking forward to new reading goals: more non-fiction, more historical romance authors I haven’t read before, more litfic and mysteries, and of course, continuing to catch up on my National Geographics. I’m thinking about newslettering more! Using my planner and taking care of my body better. As always, I’m looking forward to spring: another year in the garden and a few new hikes. And I’m looking forward to continuing to appreciate community, to celebrate queer love and learn how to be a better ally to everyone, no matter what the political landscape holds.
Thanks for being with me in 2024! I hope 2025 shows you light. Don’t let the fascists bring you down: save your stories in a safe place and don’t silence yourself before they try to silence you. Wear your love and your feelings proudly, while doing what you need to keep yourself safe. We need all of our voices more than ever. We need you.
xo,
Anita
I believe in you, Anita! Thank you for sharing these updates and opening up about where you're at. Fingers crossed the stars align for the projects you're working on now.
Thank you so much for sharing these reflections. Wishing you all the best for 2025 💜